Having the opportunity to go to school and continue to live a not so lack luster life has become a double edge sword. When I was in my early 20's (not too long ago), I had everything a 20 something year old would want, a car, my own apartment, bills, and everything else that goes with being independent. The only thing I didn't have was a relationship that made me happy. My love life at that time was very depressing and didn't seem like it was really going anywhere.
I was with a
fool guy who was afraid of truly making a real commitment. We were together for over 4 years, yet that was still not enough for him to make the ultimate decision of being with me for the rest of his life and actually stand on his own two feet. I wasn't asking him for a ring, I just wanted him to let me know that there is an actual plan for our future. I know this idea of independence can be hard for some people, especially those who have been raised in certain type of mindset.
I hate the fact that I will forever carry around this baggage from that relationship. I just feel like I truly invested and tried my best to make that work. I was even at a point in my life where I was willing to mold myself into someone he wanted me to be. I was unhappy.
Then one day, I met someone who rescued me from my great depression. I married him within 2 months of meeting him and we now have a beautiful daughter together. The relationship I had back then is like night and day to the one I have now. I don't know how you go from drowning in independence to being dependent (without any real choice about it) on someone. I hate depending on him. I feel like a kid at the thought that I am depending on him.
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